Friday, 28 April 2017

The story of parents of NRIs

Hundreds of us Indians emigrate every year: for higher education, lucrative jobs, better lifestyle and to join our spouses abroad. As we inch closer to our goals, dreams become a reality propelling us into the orbit of success. In this process we leave behind all that we wished to escape in India, but at the same time knowingly or unknowingly, we leave behind our biggest treasure - our parents. With a lump in my throat, I write about the people who made it possible for us to get where we are in life. These are the folks who toiled away several years of their youth, spent a chunk of their retirement savings, took out loans and made sure they left no stone unturned to get us to our destination. It is on these stooped shoulders that we stood tall so we could reach unimaginable heights. No, they don't remind us of this. After all, this is what most Indian parents do and how can they have any complaints when they are the much envied, admired parents who managed to run ahead of the rat race and send their offspring abroad. Often perceived as the lucky ones whose children fulfilled their dreams of leaving Indian shores and settling abroad, they are the parents who holiday abroad, get expensive gifts sent by their children and for whom money is not supposed to be a problem. And it's true in most part. But between the broad smiles, behind the cheerful exterior and in those moist, rheumy eyes lies an untold story - A tale of loneliness, anxiety, fear and uncertainty that they would rather leave untold. Here is a look behind the scenes at the lives of parents of non-resident Indians. Once the children have flown the nest, after the initial euphoria has settled, realization dawns that one's children are miles away. Not hundreds, but thousands of miles apart, several hours of travel time away. The anxiety of being away from one's children in times of illness and emergencies sets in. Moreover, worry for the safety and wellness of their children takes over their minds. Regular phone calls are reassuring but knowing that one cannot aid or be aided, long distance, by near and dear ones in times of need, plays on the mind, time and again. Simple chores and mundane errands like going to the bank, standing in queue for a gas cylinder or paying a bill become a challenge. Going to the doctor or dentist becomes an ordeal. They are lucky if still fit and healthy to live on their own and if other children live close by. Otherwise, NRI parents have to depend on neighbours, other relatives and friends who cannot and are not willing to take on the responsibility of the children. Then there is the social loneliness. No one to celebrate festivals with, no one to cook special meals for, Mother's Day and Father's day all celebrated long distance, via Skype and flowers dispatched by online couriers. The need to socialize has given way to NRI clubs in big cities where parents of NRIs come together forming kitty groups and find a pretext to meet up, alleviate some of the loneliness and share experiences. Of course, we invite our parents over to our place and take them around sightseeing and touring. Occasionally, we send them on group Europe tours, with other similar parents. On their visits to us, they get to spend quality time with their grandchildren and all seems well. But once the attraction of sightseeing wears off, settling into the routine in a foreign land different from India gets difficult. We expect them to look after the house, cook, babysit the children and they dutifully oblige. But often, our parents are elderly and it is difficult to adapt to new surroundings where the lifestyle is different from what they are used to in India. Using strange gadgets and equipment around the house like a washing machine or dishwasher, using an awkward slippery bathtub for a shower when they are used to a bucket and mug, using a western-style toilet, using the cooking hob, getting used to fire alarms, wearing unfamiliar winter clothing- all become daunting tasks. Not being able to go out alone by public transport and being dependent on one's children to go everywhere, especially in the US, is something that takes times to get used to. Not having any company of their age is another factor to come to terms with. Once the children have left for work and grandchildren are off to school, there is nobody to see either outside or in the house, with alien television channels for entertainment. The weather is the biggest adversary, especially when it's bitterly cold compelling them to stay indoors for fear of falling down or falling ill. Ill health is a big worry as medical insurance will not pay for a lot of conditions and the last thing they want to do is be a burden on their children in any way. Most parents bring along their medication from India for all the months they will stay abroad and are constantly worried about their medicines falling short or if they need new medication. Spending time with grandchildren can be challenging too as they may not understand their 'foreign' accents and have a hard time communicating if the grandchild does not speak their language and they themselves speak limited English. Our parents come to our rescue in times of need. When we want to pursue higher career goals and need someone to look after our own children and homes, who better than the parents? So parents and in-laws, who are themselves NRI parents, arrive and work in rotation. When one set leaves, the other set arrives and takes over. They do it with a sense of duty, although their duty was completed many years ago when we became adults and left our shores, leaving them to fend for themselves. What about our duty as their children? What do we give them beyond materialistic happiness and intermittent bouts of satisfaction? Making them a visa to relocate abroad is not always desirable, feasible or possible. Most parents prefer to stay on in India in their own homes, persevering independently until they can. It is too much to expect them to start their lives anew in a foreign land. They are happy for us, proud of our achievements and watch our progress from a distance. They are not going to complain and will continue to take things in their stride. Although, the fear of ageing without their children and uncertainty of how life will unfold is at the back of their minds, they will rarely, if ever, give us a glimpse of this unease. There are no easy solutions for some issues. We made a choice in leaving our home and our parents. Having chosen this way of life, we realize that we pay a heavy price for our choices. We learn that money cannot buy our parents' happiness and that one certainly cannot have it all. The least we can do is to be grateful and thankful that we have wonderful parents by celebrating Mother's /Father's Day, every day of the year. But then, shouldn't that apply to all parents, everywhere?
At NRI Family Health, we have an excellent team of doctors and medical staff who have years of experience and expertise to give your loved ones a sense of comfort just like you.
Call right away-(888) 743 5435 (US Toll Free)

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