Hundreds of us Indians
emigrate every year: for higher education, lucrative jobs, better lifestyle and
to join our spouses abroad. As we inch closer to our goals, dreams become a
reality propelling us into the orbit of success. In this process we leave behind
all that we wished to escape in India, but at the same time knowingly or
unknowingly, we leave behind our biggest treasure - our parents. With a lump in
my throat, I write about the people who made it possible for us to get where we
are in life. These are the folks who toiled away several years of their youth,
spent a chunk of their retirement savings, took out loans and made sure they
left no stone unturned to get us to our destination. It is on these stooped
shoulders that we stood tall so we could reach unimaginable heights. No, they
don't remind us of this. After all, this is what most Indian parents do and how
can they have any complaints when they are the much envied, admired parents who
managed to run ahead of the rat race and send their offspring abroad. Often
perceived as the lucky ones whose children fulfilled their dreams of leaving
Indian shores and settling abroad, they are the parents who holiday abroad, get
expensive gifts sent by their children and for whom money is not supposed to be
a problem. And it's true in most part. But between the broad smiles, behind the
cheerful exterior and in those moist, rheumy eyes lies an untold story - A tale
of loneliness, anxiety, fear and uncertainty that they would rather leave
untold. Here is a look behind the scenes at the lives of parents of
non-resident Indians. Once the children have flown the nest, after the initial
euphoria has settled, realization dawns that one's children are miles away. Not
hundreds, but thousands of miles apart, several hours of travel time away. The
anxiety of being away from one's children in times of illness and emergencies
sets in. Moreover, worry for the safety and wellness of their children takes
over their minds. Regular phone calls are reassuring but knowing that one cannot
aid or be aided, long distance, by near and dear ones in times of need, plays
on the mind, time and again. Simple chores and mundane errands like going to
the bank, standing in queue for a gas cylinder or paying a bill become a
challenge. Going to the doctor or dentist becomes an ordeal. They are lucky if
still fit and healthy to live on their own and if other children live close by.
Otherwise, NRI parents have to depend on neighbours, other relatives and
friends who cannot and are not willing to take on the responsibility of the
children. Then there is the social loneliness. No one to celebrate festivals
with, no one to cook special meals for, Mother's Day and Father's day all
celebrated long distance, via Skype and flowers dispatched by online couriers.
The need to socialize has given way to NRI clubs in big cities where parents of
NRIs come together forming kitty groups and find a pretext to meet up,
alleviate some of the loneliness and share experiences. Of course, we invite
our parents over to our place and take them around sightseeing and touring.
Occasionally, we send them on group Europe tours, with other similar parents.
On their visits to us, they get to spend quality time with their grandchildren
and all seems well. But once the attraction of sightseeing wears off, settling
into the routine in a foreign land different from India gets difficult. We
expect them to look after the house, cook, babysit the children and they
dutifully oblige. But often, our parents are elderly and it is difficult to adapt
to new surroundings where the lifestyle is different from what they are used to
in India. Using strange gadgets and equipment around the house like a washing
machine or dishwasher, using an awkward slippery bathtub for a shower when they
are used to a bucket and mug, using a western-style toilet, using the cooking
hob, getting used to fire alarms, wearing unfamiliar winter clothing- all
become daunting tasks. Not being able to go out alone by public transport and
being dependent on one's children to go everywhere, especially in the US, is
something that takes times to get used to. Not having any company of their age
is another factor to come to terms with. Once the children have left for work
and grandchildren are off to school, there is nobody to see either outside or
in the house, with alien television channels for entertainment. The weather is
the biggest adversary, especially when it's bitterly cold compelling them to
stay indoors for fear of falling down or falling ill. Ill health is a big worry
as medical insurance will not pay for a lot of conditions and the last thing
they want to do is be a burden on their children in any way. Most parents bring
along their medication from India for all the months they will stay abroad and
are constantly worried about their medicines falling short or if they need new
medication. Spending time with grandchildren can be challenging too as they may
not understand their 'foreign' accents and have a hard time communicating if
the grandchild does not speak their language and they themselves speak limited
English. Our parents come to our rescue in times of need. When we want to
pursue higher career goals and need someone to look after our own children and
homes, who better than the parents? So parents and in-laws, who are themselves
NRI parents, arrive and work in rotation. When one set leaves, the other set
arrives and takes over. They do it with a sense of duty, although their duty
was completed many years ago when we became adults and left our shores, leaving
them to fend for themselves. What about our duty as their children? What do we
give them beyond materialistic happiness and intermittent bouts of
satisfaction? Making them a visa to relocate abroad is not always desirable,
feasible or possible. Most parents prefer to stay on in India in their own
homes, persevering independently until they can. It is too much to expect them
to start their lives anew in a foreign land. They are happy for us, proud of
our achievements and watch our progress from a distance. They are not going to
complain and will continue to take things in their stride. Although, the fear
of ageing without their children and uncertainty of how life will unfold is at
the back of their minds, they will rarely, if ever, give us a glimpse of this
unease. There are no easy solutions for some issues. We made a choice in
leaving our home and our parents. Having chosen this way of life, we realize
that we pay a heavy price for our choices. We learn that money cannot buy our
parents' happiness and that one certainly cannot have it all. The least we can
do is to be grateful and thankful that we have wonderful parents by celebrating
Mother's /Father's Day, every day of the year. But then, shouldn't that apply
to all parents, everywhere?
At NRI Family Health, we have an excellent team of doctors and medical staff who have years of experience and expertise to give your loved ones a sense of comfort just like you.
Call right away-(888) 743 5435 (US Toll Free)
